Motivation to return to the Tree

In the spirit of the new year, working out, being a better person, and a shout-out to 10 out of 10. I stumbled upon this list and threw up in my mouth a little. Thanks to the good doctor.

Grumpy

Today I had a rough time getting up. I think I pulled a muscle doing Carmen Electra's workout yesterday, which only makes me feel old and fat. There is even a disclaimer in the beginning that says BE CAREFUL OLD PEOPLE OR YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF DURING THIS DVD. I was like "Haha, I bet some granny is trying to seductively crawl across the floor and suddenly throws her back out." 24 hours later, my hamstrings feel like they are on fire. Grrrr.

I'm also pissy because I feel like I wasted my money on 2 of the 3 hula dvds. The buns & abs one is good, but the other two are so cheesy, I wanted to puke. Someone actually wrote original songs that you learn a hula dance to. The songs are so blatantly marketed to bored housewives, it was almost offensive. One lyric actually says

"I've been doing laundry all day, now I just want to play."
GAG.

Someone out there actually responds to that? Thinks that's funny? Please, you are spending a good chunk of money to produce a workout dvd, why don't you make up some creative lyrics. I don't know about all the other mamas out there, but I definitely DON'T want to workout to a song that reminds me of the domestic slavery that revolves around my homelife.

Another thing I am trying not to focus on, but is really getting to me is my stagnant weight loss. JL pointed out that we have been doing the workout tree for over a month now, and I SHOULD have lost more than 5 lbs. JL, who is a complete workout rockstar has lost A WHOLE DRESS SIZE!!! WOO HOOO!!

My body is the type that loses and gains weight very quickly, but has always stayed within the range of 135-155 lbs. I have been able to lose 5 lbs a week at one point of my life, and without getting up at 5 am every morning. I guess those days are over. I am getting old. I thought working out every day for 30 minutes would at least knock off a couple lbs a week. I have also been eating better, more salads, fish, fruits, etc....but I do have the occasional piece of pizza.

I am happy to say I have only eaten one brownie in a whole month, and have not been to McDonalds, Burger King or Wendy's either. I did eat Taco Bell yesterday though. I eat a bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast everyday, I thought that would make a difference. But obviously its not enough. I am going to have to make even more drastic changes to my diet. I really don't know how I can squeeze any more workout time into my schedule.

It makes me want to cry to think that I can't even have the random piece of pizza. Am I going to ONLY be able to eat salad if I want to lose more weight? Am I going to have to give up tortillas completely? I have always been privy to the "Everything in moderation" philosophy, but apparently no more. I look at my paternal grandmother and aunt (both of whom seem to share the same round-faced gene pool with me), and realize what my future looks like. I need to step it up or I will be one of those out of breath moms who can't climb up the slide at the playground to save their stranded child.

I keep making excuses for myself. Well if I weighed myself with my clothes off, then I would be lighter. Oh its these hormones I'm taking for the egg donation. Well I don't have a gym pass, and I can't workout anytime. anywhere like everyone one. All LAME. But DAMN I just want to get below 150. That was my goal last week, and I failed. Its frustrating, and I think this is usually when people give up. Carmen says that a person is mostly likely to stop working out when they don't lose the weight fast enough.

I am not stopping. I like the "me" time in the morning, even if it is before dawn. I like feeling refreshed and proud of myself afterwards. It does give me a little anxiety the night before though. Sometimes I lay in bed and think "OH GOD what if I don't get up in the morning when my alarm goes off, and I lose the workout for the day?"

Ugh. I really disgust myself on how my pathetic piscesness comes spewing out sometimes. Grow a backbone girl! Stop stressing, get over it. I guess that's why I have a blog, right? To let it all out. :P

Revision in Plan

I already shot down half of my goals. My mom brought home donuts the other night, and I've eaten two. The Head Honcho at work had her birthday yesterday and I ate a ginormous piece of carrot cake. There was also a meeting where the lovely ladies decided to bake mini cup cakes and cheesecake. I ate about 4 mini cupcakes but managed to stay away from the cheesecake. There was a bag of dinner rolls sitting nonchalantly in the break room and without a thought, I walked over and stuffed one in my mouth.

Ugh.

I have a snack before bed almost every night. I haven't packed a salad for lunch in a week. I ate chicken Cesar wraps and pizza twice this week. I've also been binging on the most awesomely evil snack in the world: Trader Joe's Veggie Sticks.

I hate the fact that I sit on my ass all day at work. I would almost trade my increased salary for the days of running tables and delivering pizzas. I got my exercise while I was on the CLOCK back then. Now every time I eat, I know that I'm going to have to find the time to expel those calories AFTER my day ends.

For a while, I was walking almost daily with my mom and grandma, after I picked LB up at daycare. It was nice, and I felt great. Now its like pulling teeth getting my child to sit in a stroller at all. The walk becomes a screaming, stopping, crying, throwing, pulling, picking-up ordeal, and eventually I have to let her out and walk around. This does nothing for my selfish desire to keep my heart rate up, because walking with a 16 month old has the calorie-burning equivalent of watching the grass grow.

Luckily I have my friends, who entertain LB on the weekend while we walk. I keep asking them to bring their dogs because honestly, I think it will give my child some form of entertainment that will keep her in the stroller long enough for me to work up a sweat. Otherwise she gets bored and my friends are forced to swing her up and down the path.

I need to walk more. I want to walk after work everyday, but after 8 hrs of daycare, I feel guilty for making LB sit in a stroller while I frantically try to burn off the fat, instead of taking her home and playing or reading with her. The thought of going to the gym and leaving her in ANOTHER hour of childcare after her long day, turns my stomach.

No, the solution is to GET CONTROL over my sweet, fried, bread gluttonization so I don't feel so guilty that I get enough exercise. Well, maybe if I get up earlier and make a salad for lunch, work out and take a shower, then I won't have to worry about stealing valuable time from my mommy schedule.

That's it. I'm just going to have to suck it up. How much sleep would I have to cut out of my schedule in order for me to get a work out, shower and lunch made? 2 hrs?

I have to get to work a half hour earlier than my boss because I have to leave an hour earlier to pick up LB from daycare before they close at 5 pm. So my workday usually runs from 7:45 to 4:30, which technically only gives me 45 minutes for lunch (don't tell HR).

I get up at 6:30 to get out of the door by 7:15 (I really should be getting up at 6:15, since I'm almost always late). If I add 2 hours for workout, lunch making and shower, then that means I would have to get up at 4:15 AM !!?!!

The thought of that literally makes me want to cry. I love my sleep, which is widely considered as being lazy, but I faithfully chalk it up to being a Pisces. We are deep sleepers, and very hard to rouse. That's why when LB wakes up crying in the middle of the night, I'm being ripped from my innermost state of peace and solace ( haha dramatic isn't it?).

I should really try it. Maybe I will feel better. Maybe I won't be dead-ass tired by the end of the day (yeah right). Maybe I will be proud of myself. I am more than just a Pisces, I have some fire signs in me too, that might be able to kick the fish into gear.

Anyone want to try it with me?

P.S. Am I allowed to drink coffee BEFORE I work out?

P.P.S. Maybe this drastic change is backlash from the movie I watched last night. Seeing Jessica Alba just makes me feel even shiddier about myself. Plus watching this scene literally made me want to chain myself to a treadmill while purging a week's worth of food. Ugh could I feel any worse about myself?

(world's smallest violin plays)