Monday, May 5, 2008

Have to

I think one of the truest parenting moments on screen consisted of Steve Martin in the obvious classic "Parenthood" when he turns to the camera and says with complete hatred


"My whole life is 'Have To' "
Lots of moms ask me how I can stand watching someone else with my daughter. How I can sit there and look at another woman wiping her nose, kissing her on the cheek, hugging her and asking her how she is. Married moms always say to me "I just couldn't do that."
I guess the answer is I don't have a choice. My daughter's father moved on without looking back, but that doesn't mean he disappeared into thin air. In fact, let me spell it out for you...
2 years down, 17 to go. It also means I have to deal with whoever he adds to our lives. Right now its a 23-year-old mom, her 6-year-old daughter and the 4-year-old sister. Depending on how long this relationship lasts, I may get to know all these people reasonably well. I don't think married people understand this concept, how many people are involved in your child's life when the parents start new lives.
So for the people who don't know how I stand living the life I've created for myself....thanks for the compliment. I bet you are thanking your lucky stars that you don't have my life. It makes me feel good that I can stomach something most married moms couldn't, because YES, it does make me want to puke every time I see Jed's girlfriend kiss LB, or when her kids call her "sister." But if I'm an emotional wreck 24/7, what kind of a mother am I?
I refuse to be that mom. I'm going to survive this, and kudos to me if you couldn't do it yourself.

2 comments:

Colorado Girl said...

Ugh, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Take care of yourself. Love you lots!

Linda said...

take one day at a time. you might just want to learn insurance and then you will be able to support yourself and travel with your daughter.