Under Staffed

A daycare center is like any other business operation: it has employees, rules and regulations, money flowing in and out, customers and bosses, and precious, precious cargo.

Sadly, like any other business, employees get sick, people have emergencies, bosses go on vacation, and 13 infants and toddlers are being cared for by 3 people. Kinda makes you wonder about those friggin crazy assess, The Duggars. Unfortunately, toddlers are unable to change diapers and do laundry, so the whole "child labor" philosophy that family employs, doesn't work in this situation.

I got a call at 2 pm yesterday, saying LB had 5 accidents at daycare and she needed more clothes and underwear. My jaw dropped. 5 ACCIDENTS?! Did they even TAKE her to the potty? I know she's a smart kid and all, but she really hasn't figured out how to pull her pants up and down on her own yet, and you still need to ask her if she has to pee. I don't think that's too much to ask for a 23 month old.

Since I live in the quaint mountain town of Durango, Wal-Mart is the only shopping option for baby undies. Wal-Mart happens to be on the exact OPPOSITE side of town. Apparently summer has come early, because I spent the entire 30 minute drive behind a GOD DAMNED TOUR BUS.

Needless to say, an hour of my workday was obliterated. The worst part was showing up at daycare, watching the chaos of crying babies, sweaty, miserable workers, and LB with her pants soaking wet. Her face lit up when she saw me, only to melt into a sob as I hugged her and rushed out the door.

Yes, I made my daughter cry. Yes, I left her at a daycare where they didn't have enough people to run it. Yes, I returned to work, where I had 50 summer school applications waiting to be filed, when the deadline was last Thursday.

Yes, I drank two glasses of wine after I put Boo Boo to bed.

I better get a friggin raise soon.

Midnight

LB and I both had a rough time last night. She woke up at 11:30 and started crying. When I got to her room, the crying had morphed into high pitched screeching. I tried picking her up and rocking her, but she weighs about 23 lbs now, and stands to my mid thigh. She was having NONE of the "Hush little baby" act last night. She is over the croup, and didn't seem to be in pain, so I was at a loss to why she was so upset. The more I tried to hug her, the more she turned into cherry-faced, rigor-mortis toddler.

It was not pretty. I was finally able to calm her down by singing trusty Ole' "Over the Rainbow", but I continued to hear her whimpering on and off throughout the night.

Kind of made me wonder: Is she starting to have nightmares already? That makes me sad. What would make a 19 month old wake up screaming in the night? Maybe its her mom, who leaks stress hormones from her pores, 24 hours a day.

Once I was able to get back to sleep (around 1 am), my neighbor must have slammed the door real loud and I literally sat straight up in bed, heart pounding. Ok, breathe. I really need to relax.

All though Driving in blizzard conditions isn't helping me either.

Hellish November continues

My mother was in Santa Fe until this morning. She went to meet one of her old hippy friends from Alamogordo, and they spent the weekend looking at art galleries and shopping for grandbaby clothes. During all the merriment, my mother apparently dropped her cell phone in front of a little coffee shop called "The Aztec".

Ive left my phone several places before: the bar, public restrooms, parks, restaurants, on top of my car, etc... I'm sure everyone has lost their cell at one point in their lives. What do you do? Usually wait until someone finds it, dials a number and eventually gets in contact with you. Or you back track all the places you were until you find it.

Not my mother. She immediately panics, calls the phone company and has her service disconnected. So when the coffee shop called me, I had no way of getting in touch with her. My mom's friend is hippy to the core, wouldn't dare touch the idea of looking like a yuppie on her cell phone, so she doesn't own one. My mom didn't leave the number of the hotel, so I couldn't call her there.

So I email my mom, thinking she must have her laptop and will be checking it at some point before she leaves. Nope. I don't hear from her until 7:30 last night, when (of course) I am putting Lilly to bed, and am unable to hear the phone ring. She says she "thinks someone must have stolen her phone." Who steals a cell phone besides an enraged lover, or a member of the FBI? Why would someone snag a cell phone when they could have snagged her cash or credit cards instead? If someone is THAT desperate to make a call, I'm sure they would have wandered into a hotel lobby and asked to use the phone.

Either way, when I listen to the message, I call back the number and no one picks up. Today she calls me at work and says "WELL IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU BEFORE I LEFT SANTA FE!"

I almost lost it on her. I was so pissed. My entire yesterday was filled with miscommunication, and late correspondence.

My friend who has agreed to go with me on my trip to California all of a sudden has her OWN egg donation to go to, and can't go with me anymore. So now the agency is getting really pissy at me. They wanted to book my flight YESTERDAY, but my friend's phone line was busy for almost 45 minutes.

Now I have to find someone who is able to take a whole week off of work during Dec 6-Dec 13. Yeah, THAT'S going to be easy. So if anyone wants a free trip to California that week and would like to watch a toddler while i go under the needle, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

HELP ME!

Bad Mommy

I have been really frustrated this week, and I'm taking it out on my poor kid. Her sleep schedule has been out of whack, probably due to almost biting her tongue off on Sunday. She woke up almost every 2 hrs that night, and by 5:30 am, I think she was done with trying to fall back asleep. So I got up and stumbled through about 15 minutes of my workout before she was fed up with watching me.

Tuesday morning was similar, except by 3:30 am I broke down and let her sleep in the bed with me. Sharing a bed with a 17 month old consists mostly of her backing up into my stomach, trying to nest somewhere between my chin and my hip bones, while simultaneously hogging the pillow. She doesn't even HAVE a pillow in her bed, why does she want one now?! needles to say, sleep stayed away from me till my alarm went off at 5. I DID get up at 5:30, I'm happy to say and got through the dvd. It was a very half-assed workout, however. I was not satisfied.

Wednesday was a bad night. I was so exhausted that I went to bed at 9:00 pm! I haven't been in bed that early since I was in 5 grade. I thought I was smart, catching a few extra winks, so I could get up early and REALLY get a good workout. No Dice. LB was NOT sleeping, and I refused to put her in the bed with me, afraid I might sleep through my alarm in the morning. She screamed, I tried rubbing her back, she screamed, I tried singing a lullaby. She screamed so hard I was afraid he tongue might spontaneously start spewing blood again. By 2:30 am, I knew I was not getting up for my workout, and I probably wouldn't for the rest of the week, if this continued. So I yelled at my toddler "LAY DOWN AND GO TO SLEEP!"
This, of course only sent her into startled, hiccupy sobbing. So now I was feeling pissed off, completely exhausted and ridiculously guilty. I was selfishly taking my anger and guilt for not being able to participate in the workout tree like I wanted, on my child who was most likely, still in pain from her accident. So I rocked her until she finally feel asleep. I did not get up to workout that morning.

Yesterday I woke up at 5:30 and did aerobics till 6:00. Then I ate 3 cookies. What was the point of THAT. Pathetic.

Today I woke up at 5 with ALMOST a full night of sleep.Feeling good, I really pushed myself hard, determined to my time worthwhile. 20 minutes into my workout, LB arose with a fury. After 20 minutes of trying to pacify her, I was so angry about my pathetic week of exercise and junk food snacking, that I once again yelled at my baby.

Let me just say this: Once you have a baby, your needs to NOT come first anymore. You will forever be sacrificing your looks, your health, your self esteem, your pride and your wants. You will go out into public in a bathrobe, holding a puking baby in order to get medicine. You will be ashamed of your appearance, but you will have to suck it up, because your kid is sick, and the last thing you want is to end up in the ER with them.

The fact that I have gotten to the point where I am yelling at my poor, damaged child is a low, low point in my role as a mother. So what if I didn't get to the cool-down in my workout? Who cares if it is my favorite part, and gives me a sense of accomplishment? So what if my "perfect" plan of finding a time to exercise alone, is occasionally marred by a sick toddler? I know I am a mature, responsible adult, but at 3:00 am when a baby is screaming at maximum decibels in your ear, all you can think of is "I AM NEVER GOING TO GET THROUGH ANOTHER WORKOUT IN MY LIFE, AGAIN. I AM GOING TO KEEP EATING COOKIES AND NEVER BURN THEM OFF. MY TODDLER IS MAKING ME FAT!"

I know its horrible, and my stressing is only making it worse. Today I have to go over my egg donation contract with my lawyer in California, and it is 20 PAGES LONG. I also have to call my fertility clinic to make sure I know how to self-inject my medication (I start on Monday). This is totally stressing me out, because it states in the contract that if the clinic decides I don't know what I'm doing, the couple can charge me for ALL expenses involved if my eggs never get big enough. Ive only read the directions a million times, and I know I am going to be fine, but after reading 20 pages of legal issues involved in this process, my head is ready to fall off.

I have TWO potluck to attend today as well, so I will be eating pizza and tacos. Yay. Can I stress about that too, please?

Sorry my posts are always so long winded, but I think it helps my neurosis a little.

Gotta work, Laters!

Out of Whack

So I didn't post yesterday because I was driving the 6 hr round trip to beautiful Albuquerque, New Mexico. I got there, spent 15 minutes in the doctor's office, and got in my car to drive home. Ugh what a drag. I did treat myself to three brand new CDs for the long-ass drive. Yes, I bought my first Britney Spears CD on itunes Tuesday night. I also bought the new cd from Little Big Town, as well as Paul Van Dyk's CD- "In Between". Eclectic mix huh? I also had my own mix, which I named "Egg Donor Mix 2007" haha- Songs ranging from "The Sweetest Girl" to "Crazy Bitch"

In other news, I have hacked the workout tree for two days in a row. I'm bad. Poor JL is the lone survivor, but I promise to get it together tomorrow. I WILL workout.

I was also shamed by a 3 year old on Tuesday, which may be one of the reasons I haven't felt inspired to workout. I was eating lunch at Himalayan Cuisine, and a little child at the other table point to me and says "Mommy, that girl is fat."

The parents quickly scooped their kid up and ushered him/her out the door. I called for the check, completely humiliated. That has never happened to me before. Nothing like a 3 year old to completely crush your good feelings on making an effort to lose weight. My mom says its just Karma, because I did the same thing when I was three. Ughhh. Either way, it was not a fun experience, and I can't wait for LB to do the same thing one day.

I also have this lingering feeling that my babydaddy is going to skip town. He's told me he is ditching his caretakership in Mancos, and feels like "starting over somewhere new". I really wouldn't know how to explain that to LB without making him look like a complete asshole. But I guess she'll figure it out on her own. Must be nice to be able to run away every time you have a problem.

I woke up numerous times last night, having bitten my tongue in my sleep. I think I need to go soak in a hot springs or something before I wake up one night choking on my own blood. Anyone have an idea on reducing stress that doesn't involve exercise or food, oh and it has to include a 17 month old toddler. UGHH.

Finally a moment

So this week has been hell to say the least. My daycare is a state-run program that technically has to begin a new "semester"every September. So in preparation for the new semester, they conveniently close their doors for 2 weeks.

Now I don't know how popular all of you working mommies and daddies are out there, but I was one of those artsy, hippie kids in high school who had a core group of about 5-7 companions and never really stretched beyond those boundaries.

The upside: I still am very close with those 5-7 friends (which I think I can say, is very rare nowadays when you are pushing 25.5 years old) . I love those friends dearly.

The downside: It leaves very few options when your daycare closes and corners you with your thumb up your bum. Also, I don't know anyone under the age of 35 who is NOT working a full time job, unless they have a very special significant other who supports them.

What about dropping in on other daycares, you ask? Don't get me started. I've covered this topic in depth.

So I have my grandmother and my mother-in-law, the two beacons of light in my workweek dilemma. This leaves 3 days of non-coverage. I ended up working from home these three days, mostly after LB went to bed, and believe me, she did NOT go to bed early all week.

So, while trying to type a 26 page preschool evaluation worksheet while entertaining a teething 15 month old, I started getting a familiar throb in my wrist. Yes. Hand went back in the splint, dummy went back to the doctor.

About 7 months ago, Durango went through a serious health care crisis when the largest health care provider shut its doors. One of the only providers who accepted medicaid, medicare and CHP+ (which is the Colorado version of a step up from medicaid) shut its doors and left a huge number of people without doctors.

At the time I did not have to beau coup benefits package I now am receiving from the school district, so I technically did not have a primary care physician, and had not been to the doctor since my follow-up from my c-section in 2006.

This led to my referral to the leftover clinic that remained after Valley-Wide shut down. This doctor told me that I needed an x-ray when I came in about my wrist. I told her the doctor at the hospital had said I did NOT have a fracture and did not need an x-ray, but this doc insisted.

All I really wanted was to get some advice on how to prevent my wrist from giving out in the future, and still be able to pick up my daughter. I wanted strengthening tips, exercises I could do, etc...

What I got instead was a useless x-ray and a bottle of painkillers. How disappointed I am in our health care system. But what else is new?

So now its Saturday, I'm high on lortabs and still clueless on how to be a smarter, less-stressed wrist-flailer.

Hey, I guess that's why I have the Internet. WebMD is free and sadly, I think I might get better information from it than this sad excuse for a doctor. (No offense to all the lovely docs I have linked on my page.)